When Mother’s Day Looks Different
For some, Mother’s Day can be a day of emotional turmoil.
If you had a neglectful or abusive mother growing up, maybe it doesn’t feel like much of a celebratory day. In fact, the day can feel like an all-out assault on your emotions. Feelings of grief, anger, or anxiety may surface as you’re reminded of the relationship you don’t have with your mother. And you may be reminded of the painful memories that surround that relationship.
Even if you’re a mother yourself, it may be difficult to fully embrace the day. Verbal, physical, and emotional abuse can torment the soul and leave deep scars. Recovering from abuse and/or neglect from your own mother or a motherly-figure can be overwhelming. The person that was supposed to care for you, look after you, and nurture you as a child didn’t in some way, shape, or form.
It may be even more difficult of a day if you have friends or family that don’t completely support or understand your situation. Regardless, it’s important to nurture yourself, listen to your body, and remember that you’re not alone in your pain and healing.
While you may want to push aside the unpleasant emotions and feelings, it’s important to address these emotions as they come up. If they aren’t addressed, they will surface at another time or in another way that isn’t always healthy.
As you take on this Mother’s Day and the days and weeks that follow, be gentle with yourself.
What can you do to take care of yourself on Mother’s Day?
1) Have a plan for the day or the days that surround Mother’s Day. Even if you haven’t had a lot of emotions surface lately, it’s still helpful to have a plan. Take the time to really plan out your day so that you are doing things you enjoy. That may include creating a spa day, gardening if you have a green thumb, watching funny movies, reading a good book, or doing an exercise activity that you enjoy. Leave space for rest, relaxation, and reflection.
2) Plan extra rest in your day. If you can sleep in or plan a nap, be sure to do it. Call a babysitter or family member to watch your kids for a couple of hours so you can take the time you need. Rest is so important in the healing process. Our brains need time to heal as difficult memories surface and that involves getting extra sleep!
3) Find a space, preferably quiet, to journal and write out your emotions. It can be ugly, pretty, whatever comes to mind. Take the time to write it all out. There’s therapy in getting it out on paper.
4) Read the Psalms. King David poured out his heart to the Lord in the Book of Psalms. He was a true man after God who wasn’t afraid to release his anger, hurt, and sadness to the Lord. The Psalms are so helpful in that they remind us that we are not alone, the Lord is with us, He hears our pain, and we have hope in Him above all else. I can’t say how often the Psalms have helped me in times of deep sadness. I’m so grateful for the poetic words that have related to so much of what I’ve felt in different seasons.
5) Spend the day with someone you care about or who brings you joy. If you have children of your own, plan something as a family that will bring a smile to your face and your children. If there is something you absolutely want or don’t want to do, be sure to make that clear to your family. This can be especially helpful if you are in a tender phase of healing and grief. Your family most likely wants to help to make this day special for you, so be sure to communicate how they can do that. And it’s perfectly okay to spend the day alone if that’s what you need. Just be sure to communicate that with your family. Or, if you don’t have children, spend the day with a friend, close family member, or spouse. It can be so much easier going through a tender day when you have a reliable friend or family member by your side.
Remember, emotions may come and go throughout the day. That’s completely normal, and that’s a necessary part of healing. Grief is never linear. Some weeks and months go so smoothly, and other times it’s very hard again. Be kind to yourself, listen to your body, and continue to seek the Lord in your healing. Know that you are not alone.
And if you’re a mother, celebrate! You deserve it! Happy Mother’s Day!
Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash
16 thoughts on “When Mother’s Day Looks Different”
I appreciate your sensitivity
Thank you for this thoughtful message. Not too many people address this special day with such compassion and sensitivity as have. I happen to be one of those you women you were referring to in the relationship with my mom. It wasn’t good or nurturing. She passed away 4 yrs ago at 96……and what really hurts is that most likely I won’t hear from my son tomorrow either. We have a strained relationship, and I have no other children. I do feel very alone, but thanks be to God, I have a loving husband. I was much closer to his mom, but sadly she passed September 2018. I really miss her. I appreciate the list of suggestions to keep myself spiritually uplifted by reading the Psalms and my best friend/husband will spend the day doing something memorable.
If you’re a mom, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. I wish all the moms Happy Mother’s Day. Savour the moments with the love of the Lord and cherish the love of your family. 🌹❤
Thanks for your thoughtful response. I’m so sorry to hear of the strain in those family relationships. I’m praying you continue to lift your heart to the Lord in this time. May He be your comfort and peace. I’ll also pray for reconciliation in the relationship with your son. I’m thankful you have the lovely memory of your mother in law and you’re able to spend time with your spouse. My dad also passed away in 2018 right around mother’s day. Loss is so hard. Thank you for the mother’s day wishes.
Thank you for your prayers Amber. Our God is a God of reconciliation, so I did surrender that hurt to Him, because only God can heal this relationship. My desire is for him and his two sons to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, then I believe the healing will follow. So I do take Father God at His Word as it says in Psalm 37:4, Delight thyself also in the Lord and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Blessings to you and yours Amber. Thanks for caring and praying. ❤
Yes & Amen
Happy Mother’s Day Amber!!!!
A very well thought out comprehensive approach to facing Mother’s Day for those Mothers who have a sadness and pain that they carry due to great disappointment in a mother! I actually know a little about motherly disappointment and what I learned was a gift. I know that forgiveness is critical and that no mother on earth is the begin all and end all or the perfect Mother. I see Mother’s as so special being the only humans that have the Unborn residing in them for those nine months sharing life basically as one in that most intimate way that creates a bond that can never be broken and will carry over into eternity!
That said some mothers do a fabulous job attending to all the duties of being a beautiful loving Mother; while others perhaps gave a glimmer of love here or there then shut the door tight most of the time causing great pain and sorrow for the child! Or some even ridiculed and attacked the child calling that child names or comparing the child to an ex-spouse or some person they are angry with; thus venting that bitterness on the most innocent one in their life doing great harm. The well-known movie star James Garner grew up in a terrible situation; his father having married several times and one step mom of his was extremely abusive to him even making him go to school one day in a dress. He went on to be a fine daddy to his own children one even adopted I believe and I always liked him and his persona on TV; and when I found all this out about him, I thought first off that actor who played pretty nice guys all the time had such a tough time growing up and you wouldn’t know it by how nice he was on screen or in life as it turns out; and he portrayed such nice cowboy or Western type characters like Brett Maverick, was actually from Texas, and so in my mind a real Cow Poke from a place where historically many cowboys made a living!
Some people grow up in a shambles of a home life and carry pain and scars from it though life. What I say to such a person is never quit, not on yourself and not on the fact that Jesus Christ knows about every single word or sorrow a child grew up with and that with devout faith in Him the answers will come in time; as even if the road that a scarred person must walk is so painful; their soul is being tempered like the forging of steel in a hot flame to be a better and stronger person than that weaker one they had to endure; even if it was their mother!
Failure is a sad thing and a mother that fails is so desperate and hurting! She isn’t all bad but the bad has a grip and has damaged her so much that now it spoils so much of the good around her; and that she could have to flourish in with her loved ones! But, life isn’t that simple, some people get raw deals it seems because we are in a fallen state and imperfect world with many variables and pain! Jesus shows us how to rise above all that through and with our faith in Him!
I don’t bring this up typically but I will now. I had a dream/vision one time, actually the same one two times in opposite locations in the USA. The vision was Holy Mary the Mother of God who Jesus and the Father in heaven adore and give the greatest reverence to continually forever! I found out that she loves me and all of us so tenderly and that any lack I felt was quickly gone knowing she the Blessed Mother actually knows about me by means of the Father and Son Jesus; and loves me just as she does anyone who loves her Son Jesus Christ and our Father in heaven! At least any mother or child should consider what that was like for Jesus Christ and Mother Mary when they were on earth together and now forever in heaven! I pray that all Mothers can have a bit of Mother Mary in them today and moving forward; and that all children and adults see a bit of that loving beauty in their own Mothers! Love them even with their flaws, they are only human here and need forgiveness; just like all of us do! I pray for all Mothers, I think they are so special and it tears my eyes that there is pain involved for any of them or their children here on earth! God bless them all in the Holy name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Brother in Christ Jesus,
Thanks for sharing, Lawrence. Yes, it’s amazing what the Lord does when we turn over our lives to Him. He uses the brokenness for far greater things than we can imagine. I appreciate you sharing your knowledge and wisdom on this. Have a blessed Sunday!
You’re welcome, Amber! Oh isn’t our Lord God so abundantly amazing! He counters all evil and everything Satan put’s before us as broken, weakened fallen children of God’s, He has the remedy or proper answer to make certain we rise above it; anything and everything that holds us down or messes with our state of being! Seek His will and He sends the Comforter!
John 14:26 “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.”
I like to think on this when something is too perplexing or hurting me in order to provide solace and peace to the soul.
“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”
Yes, Amen! The Lord has definitely given me insight on proper boundaries in certain relationships to heal and follow the Lord in all my ways. The Holy Spirit has truly been a great comforter in times of distress. He’s shown me that being empathetic doesn’t always mean putting myself in toxic or abusive situations to try and “help” someone. We can use the gifts of empathy and discernment as the Lord leads! God is good!
Very accurate and absolutely a necessity! We are not our brother’s keeper and putting oneself into a toxic situation is uncalled for and totally foolish! My dad would always tell us growing up that if you don’t take care of number one you won’t be of any good to anyone!
We can assist others indirectly or by limited and even remote means but in the end it’s up to the individual to see their error and want to change! Sad but true but some people have to hit the bottom before they will have the desire and realization that they have to pick themselves up and get moving!
Some folks don’t want to change too; so they keep going down till they blow it entirely and that is that! ✝️ 😇 🙏💗
Incredibly moving post I could barely make it through to the end. Thank you Lawrence for writing it. It caused me to recall the abuse my mother went through as little girl. I won’t go into it, but it breaks my heart to think of all she went through all her life. Thank you for such an in depth message of how the love of Jesus Christ covers all wounded hearts. God bless you. ❤
Thank you for coming to Amber’s blog with this on Mother’s Day, Lily of the Valley!
I’m sorry and my heart bleeds; as I too know exactly from so close a relationship this kind of sadness and pain that even now as I think about it I cry so easy! It is far more common I’m afraid in this modern conflicting world, and after all, people being broken it’s easy to slip into abusive behavior.
We all need Jesus Christ more and more all the time; especially in this so overly complex artificial techno world that is nothing like what it started out as in the Garden!
God is going to help us all, we just need to keep our faith no matter what, growing it in the heart deep into the soul; the love comes and heals all wounds in time! God’s love is omnipotent! Amen.
🙏 💗 🙏 😇 ✝️ 😇 🙏💗 🙏💞🤗❤️ 🌟🌟✨💫
🙏💗 ✝️ 💗🙏 💞🤗❤️ 🙏 🙏 🤗🙏🐼💐🎀
❤🙌🙏 Hello Lawrence. You are right. It is far more common this day and age. Jesus said the love of many will wax cold. I know that up close and personal. I did not get a call from my son yesterday. I didn’t think I would, but I never lose hope that someday he’ll want a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Right now (He’s 43) he believes in just the opposite. I’ll always be praying for him and his two boys. Thank you for your response. 🙏Have a blessed day.
(Lily of the Valley)
Hello Susan, and please let me extend my sorrow for this difficulty with even your own! It’s become far too common today to see a breakdown of the traditional nuclear family and we face a dire future which is pretty apparent to me! You’re doing the right thing and your prayers mean so much which I believe could be answered at any time!
Another site where I left a long spiel of mine regarding Church’s standing on using vaccines tainted with aborted fetal tissue is another contested long debate and one man brought into the article what sounded plausible from an expert of how some good can come out of evil, so maybe the vaccines are a good thing regardless. He even used how Jesus was killed for a greater good! That was odd to me because Jesus being God could do the impossible and take all of our sins to hell, so we won’t have to; but our job is to not sin in the first place and abortion with the subsequent monopolizing those innocent deaths is ludicrous to me! Here is what else I said just for the sake of sharing it here!
This is all a very fine line or tight-rope he walks with this assessment of partaking of a former crime for the greater good now. First these gene therapy vaccines in particular have not been properly tested or vetted over several years of intense trials and appropriate accompanying comprehensive studies to declare with certainty their safety and efficacy; so the government and establishment has done nobody and favors here other than to cave into the globalists and elitist conspiracy now in motion, and in so doing establish a huge reason to distrust our governments who apparently don’t have or best interests a heart!
Wrong is still wrong where I come from or should I say I won’t be hoodwinked by any rhetoric or credentialed officials trying to sell me a bill of goods! No way Jose! This whole scheme reeks with foul play and sinister intent! We already see many people dying or becoming very ill from the vaccines as well and nobody has a clue what the longer-term unintended consequences will be; which I have a tendency to believe will come!
Anyway thank you for this interested response and showing of your appreciation!
I hope you had a lovely day on Mother’s Day absolutely because you deserve it regardless!
See you again I hope here!
God bless you and yours. ❤🙌🙏
Brother in Christ Jesus,
Thank you for posting such an honest and transparent look at Mother’s Day. Great job!
Thank you Lawrence. I did have a nice Mother’s Day. My sweet and understanding husband saw to that. As far as the other subjects, I read and listen to Mike Adams on the Brighteon platform. There are alot of informative audios and videos regarding the truth about what’s going on, and what’s going on is not good. I see prophecy unfolding before our eyes. I’m sharpening up my Sword of the Spirit. Stay strong in the Lord and in the Power of His might. Until next time. 🛡🗡🕇