Pounding the floor with each rhythmic step, a flood of emotions swept through my body during my morning treadmill run. My gaze was set on the wall ahead of me. I occasionally glanced at the fitness center’s television screen, but my mind was somewhere else. Others around me continued their workouts with little insight into the battle going on within my heart and mind.
I felt alone.
Guillain-Barre syndrome is where the immune system begins attacking the nerves. There isn’t one particular cause, but it usually develops when the immune system overreacts to a prior infection or threat to the body. Many people who have gotten Guillain-Barre were fighting off the flu or another infection and then develop GBS.
When I looked it up, I saw the most severe cases- inability to swallow, needing physical therapy for months, being hospitalized with plasma transfusions. It all seemed quite overwhelming and I prayed that my husband wouldn’t continue to lose neurological function.
My thoughts were skewed in how I viewed myself. I was still looking for outward affirmation. Not only that, I was looking for immediate confirmation from others that this was what I was supposed to be doing.
But God wanted to do something greater in that time. He began weeding out the toxic thoughts by revealing the lies I was clinging to for validation.
In this world, we are told that our value is based on how we look, what we wear, how successful we are, how we compare to others, and what others think of us.
The enemy is constantly after our identity.