Is Writing Painful?

The one who heals and flourishes often hits bottom first.

-Chuck DeGroat

Recently, I met with a couple of writing friends to catch up and pray over one another’s work. As we sat around a table, sipping our hot beverages, and breaking off bits of scones and breakfast sandwiches- enjoying every bite, we shared about our current projects.

As we listened and shared, one of my friends asked a question that has stuck with me since we met those two weeks ago,

Do you ever find writing to be painful?

Initially, her question stopped me. I had never considered that with writing. But as I thought about it, I could identify with what she stated. Sometimes writing about certain subject matters can be particularly challenging- especially when those subjects are personal or addressing injustices or sensitive areas of one’s life. It can take a physical and emotional toll on your body to remember, or even re-live painful memories in order to get that story out.

At the same time, it can be beneficial to share- to be seen and known by others, and to also put your story out there so that others know they are not alone- they are seen and known in their stories as well. It feels painful, maybe not in a “I broke my arm” sort of way, but there can be an inner turmoil and painful growth that happens in that process. Healing often requires us to look back, reflect, and identify the parts ourselves that need to be changed, and that ultimately need to be turned over to God for true growth and healing. Writing is often a reflective part of that process.

And even if one’s writing isn’t so personal, it’s still personal in that it’s yours. Writing, like any craft or talent that you’re trying to hone, takes time, diligence, and perseverance to mold and shape into something worthwhile- something beautiful. There’s a type of suffering that goes into the work, but there’s also joy with it because it’s something you love.

Thinking back to my collegiate swimming days, I can recall very specific workouts where I was left in tears. Not every workout was like this, but most were difficult or at least challenging in some way, shape, or form. For those extremely difficult workouts, not only did my body hurt physically, but mentally I had to push through the pain to get stronger and develop my skill to the best of my ability. The mental anguish was often harder than the physical pain that came with the workouts because I had to get into a place of accepting the pain and still working past it. I loved the sport, but to get better and grow in it, there needed to pain and sacrifice. And I often saw the fruits of my labor not only in meets, but in practices as I got faster.

Writing is like this, in that each time I sit down to write, some days are more challenging than others, but ultimately, I am getting better at my craft, and the challenges only help me to grow- even though they aren’t always fun to experience. In the end, the completed work brings a happiness and joy that only makes me want to dive back into the trenches of work once again. It’s a beautiful, endless cycle of pain, growth, and creation.

Most recently, I found myself climbing the Mt. Everest of writing challenges (not physically, but emotionally) as I sat down to write over the last couple of weeks. This came directly after several weeks of fluid writing that seemed to just pour out of me naturally and easily. And while my emotions are typically always in my writing, I wasn’t addressing any tender, personal, or vulnerable places that made it difficult to keep going. When I realized I was in that “Mt. Everest” place, it wasn’t that the words just suddenly “stopped”, nor did I suffer from supposed writer’s block, but it suddenly became very taxing mentally and emotionally as I moved back to focus on a more deep and vulnerable part of my book. The introductory part of my book addresses more of my personal story and why I decided to write this book in the first place. While it’s not fun to relive or retell those difficult stories, they are a necessary part of understanding where I came from, and the great healing work God has done and continues to do in my life.

With that said, it’s still difficult to come back and re-read and work on this initial chapter. I often wrestling with doubt, shame, and fear in telling my story and how I got to this place. Questions like, Am I sharing too much? Do others really need to know this? I’m sure there are better books out there; does my story really matter? Others have had worse abuse than I did, so will people brush aside what happened to me? If I share this, will people still “accept” and “love” me?

When I turn those questions over to the Lord in prayer, I know the answer is always- my story matters. My voice matters. And my story could help someone else who has lived through the same painful experiences I have, or someone who has struggled to establish healthy relationships. It doesn’t matter if everyone doesn’t relate or grow from my story, but it could matter for the one person that needs to hear it, and that’s enough.  

For someone who’s struggled with navigating toxic relationships, or for that person who grew up with a narcissistic parent, I want them to know they are not alone in this struggle. In sharing my story, it is, and will be, painful. There’s no easy way around that. But through my work, I want others who’ve experienced pain, similar to mine, to know that they are also seen, known, and loved. They are not alone in their experiences. God is willing to walk with all of us in our healing journey to healthier, life-giving relationships.

In the end, God is using my story, and the research I’ve put into this book, for something greater than myself. It’s meant to help people heal old wounds and toxic habits by directing them to the Ultimate Healer. And while this process is difficult, painful, (and maybe taking longer than I expected), it’s so worth it.  

While I don’t have an “end date” for my book, I do see that light at the end of the tunnel. With each day that I focus on this work, I look back and see how far God has brought me, and I couldn’t have made it this far on my own. With that said, it’s also been a year with many financial challenges and burdens that couldn’t have been predicted when I decided to stay home to focus on my writing and my family. But God is faithful, and even with the struggles and challenges that we’ve had and continue to navigate, I know God is with me as I continue to write and move forward in the call that He has placed upon my life. Stepping out in obedience and faith is scary, but He remains faithful.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

-Hebrews 10:23 NIV

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Thank you for your continued support and prayers on my book-writing journey. Be sure to comment, like, or share this blog with a friend. And if you’re not subscribed, be sure to sign up via e-mail or through WordPress for updates on the book. I will continue to keep everyone posted in the months ahead as I continue this work.

Keep seeking the Lord in your health and relationships. God bless!

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Easter Resurrection Rolls Recipe:

Are you interested in making Resurrection Rolls for Easter? This is a simple, and family-friendly recipe that I blogged about several years back. Feel free to check out the post here.

Have a blessed and Happy Easter! He is Risen!

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