An Honest Journey
Craving To Be Known

Craving To Be Known

Growing up, I considered our family to be more “cultural-Christians” than actual Christians. We attended church here and there, but sports took priority. Purity in my mind was having the approval of family, upholding an image of perfection, prioritizing what others thought of me, and conforming to who they thought I should be. With this heavyweight placed upon me, I remember being deeply confused and lost. I loved being active and participating in sports, but my conformity and performance seemed more important than who I was as a person. I felt I wasn’t good enough just being myself. I had to earn the approval of others.

This lie affected much of the relationships I had in my youth. I worked hard to look as if I had it all together, trying to please those around me. I often got comments that I was the “good girl,” but inside I was anxious and scared of criticism. I was terrified of standing up for myself for fear of being disliked by friends. I felt shame for who I was and for not living up to the distorted standards of perfection in my mind.

While I craved a relationship with God, I didn’t really take the initiative to seek Him out. I felt I had to “get my life together” before I was good enough for God. Instead, I continued to seek approval from friends and family and was often afraid to set healthy boundaries. It felt like I wasn’t in control of my own life because I was looking for constant validation.

Looking back, it was clear that I craved real love- to be known, but I was looking in all the wrong places. Thanks to a car accident in my early twenties, God propelled me in a new direction. Instead of hiding my shame and guilt, I put it all before Him. I wanted healthier relationships, and I was tired of people-pleasing and living up to impossible standards. I knew I was missing something, but I didn’t know what…


Photo by Marianna Smiley on Unsplash

Thank you for reading, and be sure to check out the latest content at Marked Ministry magazine for the month of March as we “Reflect on Purity”:

5 thoughts on “Craving To Be Known

    • Author gravatar

      Thank you for your transparent post. i can relate. many will be blessed by your honesty and perspective.

      • Author gravatar

        Thanks for your comment, and I’m glad you could connect with it. It’s a tough topic, and I pray it blesses those who may still be struggling with this. To God be the glory for His transformative work!

    • Author gravatar

      Hello Amber! You knocked it out of the park over the monster wall as they would say in baseball lingo! This is a very compelling and totally open, raw and honest reveal of truth! A truth that so many younger people go through and I can recall often times feeling similar and doing much of this same kind of behavior based on or fueled by what we called peer pressure stemming from wanting to be accepted and thought of as special; or just craving attention; and I must say under it all love from others! Many a movie star or rock and roll artist rose to fame on this same kind of drive but it’s a slippery slope and a double edged sword as I see it like walking the tightrope where anytime you can come crashing down!

      But worse these days is the digital age with everything whizzing by at lightning speed and with social media and digital video capture available to record our every move and even showoff; we now live in an age of attention seeking on steroids being a pastime or even a reason to live for many people as they become so ingrained in the cyber digital world trying to make their own mark and be well known, liked, even adulated and famous, and all ages are prone to this addiction! The world of instant gratification has turned into the bizarre world of dreams of instant fame or self-worship whether people want to admit it or not they crave the attention or what you pointed out perfectly; Validation! That they matter and their lives mean something more than the small sphere of family and influence which they grew up immersed in and protected by. I see the biggest danger in it all that people have become far more plastic and selfish and actually spending far too much time playing in cyberspace than actually living in the reality that God intended them to; while doing the Father’s will and seeking Him not all of this diversionary make believe I want to be somebody world.

      This is all very thought provoking and I hope it does get at least some people to realize how off the mark or path to God this can become and change course before it’s too late for them!

      God bless you!
      Bother in Christ Jesus,
      Lawrence Morra III

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