Batting Grief, Loneliness, & Sadness During the Holidays

What if your holidays don’t feel joyful and celebratory?

Ten years ago, I remember a major bout of loneliness that came at Christmas. My husband was working odd hours, and I woke up Christmas morning to a quiet house. It was just me and our three-month-old son. While I was beyond thankful to experience Christmas with our baby, and to have a hard-working husband, part of me felt lonely as I navigated most of the day by myself. Reality didn’t meet the expectations I held over what Christmas would look like for us as a family of three.

A few years later, my dad passed away. Beyond the immense grief, it didn’t take long for my side of the family to stop meeting altogether. Life changed. And sadly, it was evident my dad was the glue that kept us coming together. Without him, it just wasn’t the same.

Then a year later, I stepped away from an unhealthy relationship dynamic with my mother. After years of trying to rescue and fix our relationship, God patiently guided me to release it into His hands. That year, a different grief and loneliness crept into my heart during the holidays. How do you explain grieving someone who is still living but is unhealthy for you and your family to be around?

Over the last decade, my glittering image of what the holidays “should” look like shattered. To say those grieving years and growing pains were difficult would be an understatement.

For those navigating loneliness, change, or grief during the holidays, you are not alone. There are many who have (or are going) through that dark and difficult path. Often, it’s in the darkest moments we are directed back to the Lord because He is the only One who fully understands us and our circumstances. He is gracious and compassionate (Psalm 103:8).

In a season where we’re pressured to do it all or make everything look perfect on the outside, the truth is, life isn’t perfect for many. Entering the holiday season, it’s important to honor the parts of yourself that are broken, hurting, and in need of special care. God doesn’t tell us to ignore the mix of emotions that can come during the holidays. He asks us to turn over those things to Him (1 Peter 5:7).

There are many things we can do to stay connected to God and others even if this season looks or feels different. We can still choose community, adventure, and to seek out beauty amid change, sadness, and grief.

1) Keep Going to Church & Reading God’s Word

After my dad passed away, one of my mentors shared how it was hard for her to attend her home church after the loss of her own father. She still desired to go to church, but she didn’t want to dance around delicate conversations around her dad’s death. Instead, she and her family decided to attend another church for a couple of Sundays so that they could still stay in the community of believers and worship God, but she could honor the part of herself that needed a break from triggering conversations. She chose to keep going to church even if her attendance looked a little different.

The same can be true when we’re lonely or grieving. It can be all too easy to stay at home and avoid people, but it’s important to stay in community with the body of believers. While it’s vital to take care of ourselves in times of loneliness and grief, coming to church and reading God’s Word redirects our hearts and minds back to toward all Jesus has done for us. It doesn’t matter the season we are in; He is there with us and desires to walk with us in it.

2) Choose Beauty & Adventure

Sometimes the hardest part of getting out of our heads is getting out of the house. Brain breaks are important when we’re in a season of sadness, grief, or feeling lonely. Simply changing your environment can make a world of a difference. Choosing to seek out beauty and adventure can cultivate a thankful heart during a difficult or stressful season.  

A few years back, I remember being overwhelmed on New Year’s Eve. My husband was working a lot over the holidays, the kids and I were cooped up staying at home, and it seemed like everyone else had plans.

After sitting for too long in my emotions, feeling sorry for myself, I decided we were going to do something fun and try a new museum. Honestly, I was nervous about navigating all the details of the day by myself- the traffic, crowds, planning for food, and the possible meltdowns that lay ahead. But I decided it was more important to get out and try than sit at home.

To my surprise, the museum was a huge hit (with minimal meltdowns). As we walked the various floors, I took note of other people who appeared to be “alone”- single parents with kids, elderly singles exploring the museum, and other single adults who seemed to be enjoying the exhibits. Even though we were in a place with strangers, there was beauty in experiencing it together.

I thanked God for every minute of that day’s adventure. I needed it. There was something about the newness of exploring a new place and appreciating the gift of it that brought my heart so much joy.

God values beauty and goodness, and He wants us to enjoy His goodness even in difficult seasons. Even if we don’t have the means to go to a museum or other paid experience, we can seek beauty in what lies around us. Through walks outside, hikes in nature, painting, coloring, star gazing, or exploring, we can appreciate the vastness and expanse of all God has created. It can give us a different perspective on how big of a God we truly have and how much He loves us. We can choose beauty and goodness by creating new experiences, traditions, and discover something new that God wants to show us in a particular season.

3) Serve in Your Community

Serving can break us out of our comfort zones. It redirects our hearts and minds to meeting a need, and it can give us a break from solely focusing on our circumstances.

I still remember the year my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I decided to follow through with leading a mom’s table at our church’s women’s group. At the time, I was pregnant with my daughter and my son was just two years old.

Honestly, I didn’t think much of what leading my table meant to others, but a few meetings in, one of the other moms commented how she was encouraged that I was still willing to lead our group despite all I was going through. From the outside, it looked like I shouldn’t be serving with all I was going through. But God created a beautiful support system. Those women supported me with advice, meals, and encouragement, and I was able to continue to lead and serve them when we met together.

In our difficult seasons of life, it can be easy to disregard service and soley focus on what’s going wrong in our own lives. There’s a healthy balance in tending to ourselves while also stepping out to serve others. It can bring much joy to our hearts to serve at a community kitchen, work with disabled adults, or fill an Operation Christmas child box for a child in need. Service can help us see the bigger picture of all God is doing amid hardships. He is still present and He is still working through His people. Service can be a way to build community and care for others in a way that reflects God’s love.

In a season that may be weighted with heavy grief or loneliness, let us continue to seek God. We have a loving and compassionate Father who never leaves us or forsakes us.

Remember, Christ came for you. And He desires to walk with you in all circumstances.

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most

-Hebrews 4:16 NIV

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Additional Resources on Grief & Loneliness for the Holidays:

Find a Grief Share Group in Your Area

Mental Health Hotline: Text 988

Bible Emergency Numbers:

Photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-sitting-beside-a-tables-6183909/

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